Widow’s Journey: Simultaneously

“I learned to live and mourn simultaneously.”  -Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised

Isn’t the above quote what being a widow is all about? It’s living with the dichotomy of continuing everyday life in spite of the fact that that life is no longer familiar on so many levels.

“After three years, I continue to live with that tension,” Sittser writes. “But there is a significant difference now. The sorrow I feel has not disappeared, but it has been integrated into my life as a painful part of the healthy whole.”

I find that I still feel Chuck’s loss but life doesn’t revolve around that fact any more. It has become part of my life, not my whole focus as it was right after his death. I no longer feel compelled to recount his last moments to anyone who will listen. I no longer need to speak of him all the time. Oh, I still tell Chuck stories, but it’s not with an urgent need to keep him near or the compulsion to speak his name. It’s with pleasure at wonderful memories.

“The sorrow I feel remains,” Sittser writes, “but I have tried to create a landscape around the loss so that what was once ugly is now a part of a larger, lovely whole.”

Lord, may the pain of my loss be integrated into a healthy life, never forgotten but no longer overwhelming.

…a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance….

Ecclesiastes 3:4

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.

Psalm 126:5

 


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2 Comments

  • My husband past away in September. Although he was not healthy it was very sudden and unexpected, at least to me his care giver. I still can not wrap my mind around the fact that he is gone. I look for him, wait for him to call and say come pick me up the hospital is releasing me. I hear his name and my heart stops. Am I ever going to reach a point when I really accept he is not going to be with me any longer? The pain is intense and the loss well I have never lived alone. My world is – I can not even come up with a word that covers it and no one understands.

    Barb Bennett

    April 17, 2014 | Reply

    • Barb, I’m so sorry for your pain over your husband’s death. We here know all too well how you are feeling, and we understand the difficulty of coming to terms with the absence of the man you loved. We get how hard it is to live alone, especially for the first time in your life. Expecting him to call. expecting him to walk into the room–not unusual. Unfortunately there’s no way to make grief and loss better. They just have to be lived through. But the Lord is always there. Cry on His shoulder. He loves you and so do we.

      Gayle Roper

      Gayle Roper

      April 19, 2014 |

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